Category — Fear

 

This is a guest post by Jason Fonceca from ryzeonline.com. To guest post on this blog, check guest post page.

You’ve been taught some things in your life — maybe directly, maybe not — and they’re horrible.

And if they’re left to reign terror in your life, they can easily turn your life horrible too.

Dramatic enough for ya?

Alright, so they’re not horrible, but they are important. They’re things that peers, authorities, and society has hammered into us, and that we absorbed eagerly, thinking it was in our best interest. I’m going to tell you exactly what these things are, but first, I want you to imagine a life free of these things you were taught.

There are a group of people who’ve taken some bold steps, and learned things for themselves, and realized certain things we were taught stop success. These people live lives that many people want.

Imagine waking up every day on a schedule that you set. Imagine having no problem getting paid very, very well for doing what you love. Imagine being popular, well-liked, and praised and recognized for your works. Imagine having tons of ideas, spreading across multiple industries, and creating what you want, when you want.

Imagine living in the realm of the 1-percenters. Imagine creative and financial freedom. Imagine whatever success means to you.

It doesn’t have to be so pure and strong and socially respected, and I’m not saying this article’s going to instantly teleport you there, but I am going to help you smooth out the journey for yourself.

Wouldn’t it be fantastic if you could move along with your creative ideas, without getting derailed by weird beliefs you never meant to have anyway?

Most people have secret success stoppers that they never talk about or think about, and no one else talks about them either. Well… I do.

Know Your Secret Success-Stoppers

Yep, most people have secret success-stoppers that they learned early and learned well, but which are holding them back, big time. See if any of these click with you:

Change Is Hard

This one is killer

Let’s take a look at some things society repeats over and over, and you may have absorbed like a sponge and agreed with.

• “Don’t rock the boat.”
• “It takes 30 days to change a habit.”
• “You’ve gotta resist temptation.”

Sound familiar?

Well, it’s all bull****. There are times to rock the boat, like when you’re fed up with settling and compromising your dreams, and you need to speak up and express yourself. This is how change happens, someone decides that they’d rather move towards their dreams instead of keep the boat steady for the status quo. Make a change, life is change.

It only takes a split second to change a habit, and that second is when you make a badass, truly committed decision, backed up by some action. You might stumble a bit on your path, but that habit is as good as changed, because you’re passionately focused on changing it. Maybe you’ll research habit-changes. Maybe you’ll read Switch by the Heath brothers. Maybe you’ll go to AA. Maybe you’ll do it cold turkey on your own. Whatever the case, it all came from the passionate, burn-bridges decision to change. Make a change.

Resist temptation? Hah. How bad is it really?

People aren’t lazy or resistant to change, often it’s just someone told them that the ‘change’ they’re interested in is ‘a temptation’ that is ‘BAD’. They simply get worn out resisting what they’re heart is calling them too.

If you think about it honestly and consciously, what ‘bad’ things will REALLY happen if you go with your gut? You know if you’re tempted out of some lame need to fill an emptiness or escape life, or if it’s a call from your gut to be who you really are. Try it, make a change.

Change Is Hard is something society teaches. Anything that deviates from the norm is generally met with extreme pressure. Well, you’re worthy, you’re valuable, and you deserve change in your life.

Truth: Whatever the pressure is, consciously and deliberately making a change brings success.

Decisions Need No Attention

This one’s killer too

Decisions are not made by default, and like any skill, they require attention and practice, at least in the beginning.

You might as well face it, chances are you suck at decisions.

Well, you don’t suck, but you’re probably nowhere near as good as you think you are at making them.

“But, I’ve been making decisions my whole life!” you say.

“And if they’re working so well for you, why are you still reading this article about success?” I reply “Not only that, but doing something poorly for 20 years doesn’t mean you’re good at it, it usually just means you’ll have to break your poor habits to make progress.”

If you really are great at decisions, you probably wouldn’t be reading this article.

Decision-making is a world-shaking skill. Good decision-makers are rise-to-the-top, one-percenters. They know how to commit and persist. They know how to make their decisions count and stick.

Not only are you not as good as you think, but you also probably don’t practice, learn, or attempt to get better at decision-making – and it shows – you can see the results in your life.

Can you make the ‘hard decisions?’ Can you take a stand for what you want in your life, and then calmly express that to your spouse, even if you feel it may result in separation? Can you decide you want a career change, and then actually stick with that decision, back it up, and tell your current job it’s time for you to move on?

It’s okay if you can’t yet – decisions take practice, and the big ones are something to work up to.

You may want to be awesome at decisions, but you can never improve in this area until you realize where you currently stand, and what next steps you’ll need to pursue. Maybe that means admitting you’re about as talented at making decisions as you are at climbing Mount Everest — and you’ve put nearly zero attention on mastering either.

Any mountain can be climbed, starting from the bottom, and taking one proper, practiced, step at a time, and as we saw above, Change Is Easy.

I`d like to go over things you may have been taught about this, but almost all of it is silent teachings. You have examples all around you of friends, family, teachers, governments, etc. who are generally terrible at making decisions.

• They can`t decide which spouse they want.
• They can`t decide what job they want.
• They can`t even decide what to do on Friday night.

These are the people most of us learn from.

There are courses for math, reading, gym, etc. but one of the most important skills in the world is taught neither by parents, school, or society. That of making committed, backed-up-with-action-decisions.

Tony Robbins + Napoleon Hill both have fantastic teachings on successful decision-making, and I have a mini-course that touches on it offered at RyzeOnline.com.

“I’m A Master Decision-Maker” is a belief that I want you to have, but I want you to come to it honestly, by admitting where you are, making peace with that, and then improving yourself by taking steps until you really believe it.

Successful people are excellent decision-makers. They don`t agonize and live in worry whether the results are good or bad, they simply make peace with their decision, decide, and then back-it-up with action.

Truth: Acknowledge your own decision-making skills, and start practicing and learning how to get good. Master it and rock your life.

Receiving Is Hard

Yep, you guessed it… killer.

Did you parents, teachers, and friends teach you that you’re valuable, creative, unique and worthy. That you deserve fulfilling experiences, money, rewards, gifts, respect, etc?

Or did they teach you that “a good person doesn’t accept things in return”? Did they teach you that “rich people are snobs or wasters of money?” Did they teach you that funds are limited and the “rich take advantage of the poor,” leeching all their dollars?

Were exchanges and gift giving in your family normal, common, and understood, or was there an air of mystery and scarcity to it (ONLY on Christmas!).

When someone offers to pay for your meal, do you find yourself making a big deal of it, saying “no, no, I couldn’t” as if that person separating from any of the dollars on YOUR account is unbearable?

Did you learn to criticize anyone who seemed to be “just doing it for the money?”

All this adds up to a very simple idea that people absorb directly + indirectly:

Receiving Is Hard, and there are many rules and complications. This means you’ll never really have a smooth flow of good things into your life. A belief that receiving’s hard and complicated is killer.

Truth: Receiving is a normal, easy, simple, healthy part of the economy and of life. I love receiving, especially in regards to my creativity.

The Wrap-Up

So you’ve learned three deep, dark, secret success-stoppers that hold nearly everyone back, now it’s up to you what you do with that info.

A ‘pro move’ is to DECIDE to CHANGE and RECEIVE some feedback.

To do that, you just have to comment below and engage the community. Start some conversation on this blog on these often overlooked subjects. Get yourself to take ACTION on them.

Decide to contribute, and receive some feedback: comment.

Or you can do what 99% of the population does and skim this article, read it and move on…

…then you’re training your body and mind not to value success and growth, and not to contribute, act, or take steps towards your own success.

Step up

About the Author: Jason helps you successfully bridge the gap from where you are to where you want to be, using his clarity & insight to help you rise in all areas. He speaks, writes, and offers sexy success-coaching at http://RyzeOnline.com. He’s been featured on Firepole Marketing, Building Digital Empires, and PuttyLike. Follow him at @jasonfonceca.

This is a guest post by Rahul Singh from rahulspeaks.com. To guest post on this blog, check guest post page.

How many times have you allowed fears to hold you back from what you wanted to do? And how many times did you look back later and found your fears were totally baseless.

When I was young, I could not express my feelings to so many girls I liked, just because I feared rejection. Finally, I did take that risk because I realized I was missing out more by avoiding the situation than I would if a girl rejected me. They did reject me, lots of them, but those rejections had important lessons for me. I grew more confident and came to respect myself. A time came when I found a nice girl and she liked me too. I am married to that girl now. This would not have happened if I had stayed comfortable with my fear.

 

We create so many imaginary demons in our heads. While we give in to the immediate comfort of holding ourselves back, a feeling of guilt gradually builds inside. We are ashamed to face ourselves in the mirror. In the long run, this approach leaves us worse off than taking on the challenge.

What keeps us from doing the obviously right thing?

What is it that holds us back from doing what we should? Here are a few pointers to consider.

1. Over analyzing

Most who fail, allow themselves to fall into paralysis of analysis. They keep accessing their decision and can take no action. They may, after a long time of decision making, decide on something to do. But just before they are about to begin, they are not so sure because their ‘recent analysis’ points to something else.

We can not be perfect. Trying to be totally right will paralyze you. You have to take the leap sometimes. You have to believe that even if you fail, you will learn valuable lessons that will help you the next time you try.

Fix a time for analysis and thinking. Once you have made a decision, once you are past the thinking time, keep your analytical mind aside and then just do what you have decided to do. There is thinking and then there is action. Alone, neither can help you, in fact, they may harm you.

2. Fear of ridicule

Are you afraid people will laugh at you? Stop taking yourself too seriously. When people laugh at you, laugh with them. You can only be ridiculed if you allow it. If you decide to laugh instead, you join the crowd and laugh at the situation, you become one with the crowd. This way, you will win more friends and respect.
Laughing at your self is very powerful. You loose a lot of fear, gain a lot of self respect and feel good. Do it often, laughing is good for health too!

3. Fear of defeat

Are you afraid of facing defeat(like I was afraid of rejection by girls)? We want all the success but none of the failures. This is self contradicting. There is no success without failure. In fact you understand success only when you have experienced failure. Failures are just learning experiences that help you on your path to success. Failure is not an event when you stop. It is an event when you take a lesson to try better next time. Don’t believe me? Read the life story of any great person of your choice.
Learn to love failures and you will find successes raining down on you!

4. Fear of standing out

Are you uncomfortable with becoming too conspicuous? Standing on the sidelines, merging with the crowd always makes you feel safe. You don’t do anything so you can’t go wrong!… This is short sightedness at its best.
We are all unique in some way or the other. There is something very unique that you, and only you can add to this world. For that, you will have to stand out. Either you stand out and claim your true nature, or you live a life of frustration and listlessness.
Remember that when a person tries to ride a horse, he risks a fall. People who stand below will laugh at him when he falls. He may fall many times before he learns how to ride well. But the ones who stand below will never become riders themselves. Decide in what company you want to see yourself.

5. Fear of discomfort

Feeling cozy in your comfort zone? Satisfied with living in the glory of your past achievements? So many get comfortable doing the same things they have done for ages. They believe they have learned enough and done enough, and can comfortably live with what they know. The idea of getting out of their shell makes them uncomfortable.
Creating such a secure shell around yourself is creating limitations for yourself. You limit your infinite potential to your shell. There is no growth in this comfort zone, there is no excitement, there is no happiness. Over time, you grow bored and listless. Break out! To live a life of happiness is to live a life of adventure. It is to embrace the unknown, to venture out, to learn and grow. Don’t stop living while you are still alive.

There is no status quo in life. Either you are learning an moving forward, or you are rusting and loosing your edge.

There is the physiological fear that all animals and humans have. This fear keeps us away from danger and helps preserve our life. This is useful. Then there is the psychological fear unique to humans. We think of how we might be ridiculed, or how we might fail, or how we might feel uncomfortable. None of these events is directly life threatening. Such events help us grow as human beings. Get over your psychological fears, avoid these pitfalls on your journey to success, happiness and growth.

Don’t forget to get Rahul’s free eBook 8 Pillars Of Lasting Happiness

This is a guest article by M.Farouk Radwan. If you want to guest post on this blog, please check the guest post page for details.

There are lots of great advice about success out there and no one can claim that only one factor is required for success to happen.However, the factors that lead to success vary in importance to the extent that some of them can prevent you from succeeding at all if you didn’t take them into consideration.
One of these very important factors is the ability to get over limiting beliefs, which is the topic I am going to talk about in this post.

How limiting beliefs can prevent you from success?
Contrary to common beliefs the mind doesn’t collect information to form new beliefs as much as it collects certain information to support already existing ones. When a person forms a limiting belief he will automatically become biased towards that belief.
He will always collect information that further support that belief and he will filter information that goes against his belief.
For example if someone believed that he is not interesting then most probably he will remember all the negative comments people said about his personality while if someone complemented him one day he will quickly assume that the person who did it was just being nice.
This is how we filter information and selectively choose what matches our belief system.
Now if you believe that you can’t succeed, that you are a loser or not lucky then the same is going to happen and your beliefs will keep growing as time passes.

How to get rid of limiting beliefs?
Now that you know that you can’t succeed without getting rid of limiting beliefs it’s time to learn how to do it.

1. First you need to identity these limiting beliefs: Sometimes it becomes a challenge to identity the limiting belief since it’s always disguised as a real one. Talk to successful people, read their books or their success stories then compare your current beliefs to their beliefs. The different between the two belief systems will usually be the limiting beliefs.
2. Challenge these limiting beliefs: You can’t challenge a belief by lying in bed and hoping that things change to the better but you have to do something. If you think that you can’t succeed then do your best to challenge this belief by trying to succeed.
3. Be persistent: of course a belief that was carried in your belief system for years might not easily be removed. For example if you believe that you are a failure then you might not be able to succeed overnight or from the first attempt and thus you have to be persistent and to keep trying until you prove that belief wrong.

Some people live life in fear of something. Either they fear that they may lose their job or they fear that they may fall sick. They fear of future. They fear of taking risk. They live their life in fear.

Is this fear really inevitable? What are we gaining from this?

Fear won’t help us in anyway for our overall growth. In fact it comes in the way of growth.

Fear won’t allow us to come out of our comfort zone. When we don’t come out of our comfort zone, we will not be able to experiment. When we don’t experiment, we can’t compare the results. When we don’t compare results, means the results we are achieving may not necessarily be great ones. In short, due to fear, we may not achieve anything extraordinary.

Fear and doubt are the two sides of the same coin. There is a quote which reads “Faith moves mountains, but doubt creates one “. So our doubts create mountains for us. Fear is the mountain.

Don’t get me wrong. You still need to have doubts but don’t doubt everything you see, touch and feel. A great opportunity can be lost because of your doubt.

Fear is the opposite word for courage. Why don’t you eradicate fear then?

How can you liberate yourself from fear?

Fear is natural but don’t let it come in your way of achievements. Believe in what you are doing. Tell yourself that you are capable of achieving the best and beat the fear. Try the new challenge which is in front of you. Trying may get you success but fear will never. Fear closes the door, trying opens.

To combat fear, first you need to eliminate doubt. For eliminating doubt, you need knowledge. For gaining knowledge, you need to gather information. Doubt breeds doubt when there is lack of information. Before attempting anything new, gather information and make yourself knowledgeable on the subject. Ask friends, search Internet or read books. Knowledge is the first step for eradicating fear. Once you are equipped with knowledge, you will know what action is needed to eradicate fear.

Example, if you often fear of public speaking, then you might consider enhancing your language  and presentation skills,practice speaking in front of family and friends. Ask their honest opinions for improving further. Slowly move on to the real stage. Don’t worry if your initial attempts fail, keep practicing. Repeat this till you are successful.

Fear will be vanquished once you treat the root cause.

You can also associate yourself with people who are adventurous and fearless. It helps. If others can achieve something, why can’t you?

Once you learn to deal with fear, you will be able to perform much better in your work and will be more adventurous to accomplish much more higher goals in life.